Funny Fortunes

The great big fortune cookies featured at Gourmet Fortune Cookies are fun and whimsical. Apparently, most of our customers have a good sense of humor, too. We have received many requests for silly and funny fortunes, so we have started compiling a list of funny fortunes. Your entries are welcome and can be sent to us through our Contact Us Page at the Ultimate Gourmet Fortune Cookie website. A free fortune cookie recipe can be requested from Gourmet Fortune Cookies.

Ask forgiveness today. Tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination; but the combination is locked up in the safe.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Speed is a good substitute for accuracy.
One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening.
Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
No problem is so large that it cannot be fit in somewhere.
Stand up to be seen, speak up to be heard, shut up to be appreciated.
There is no time like the pleasant.
Life would be so much easier if we could just view the source code.
It is often easier to get forgiveness rather than permission.
This fortune is inoperative. Please try another.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
Don't marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper.
I doubt, therefor I might be.
Don't let your mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.

For the more "adventuresome":

All traditional fortunes are funnier if you simply add the words, "in bed" to the end of the fortune. For a good laugh (or maybe just a small chuckle), try it with the following typical fortunes:

Family relations will improve with time (in bed).
A good evening is one spent in good company (in bed).
Your path is difficult, but you will be amply rewarded (in bed).
The beginning of wisdom is to desire it (in bed).
You are about to make a most valuable discovery (in bed).

More funny fortunes can be found on The Fortune Teller page of The Ultimate Gourmet Fortune Cookie Website